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It Starts With Your Mind

By Megan Murray

Hello,

Checking in here! Yeah, I’ve been doing an abysmal job of it during the holiday season. Coming from the snack food capitol of the US the holidays are full of chips fried with lard, cakes made with ricotta cheese, fried stuff, and booze-a metric ton of booze.

I do a really great job of being delusional when it comes to my body during this time of year.

A woman on a ” how I got thin” video on one of the RA sites ( to be honest I cannot remember where it is) said something that really hit home with me : If you continue to treat your body like you are a kid, you are going to get old really fast.

Boy am I guilty of that!!

See, as much as I love being a mom I have a complex relationship with how the outside world treats motherhood. They say out of one side of their mouth that what you are doing is amazing, but with the other side of their mouth they pretty much tell you to go home and die now, you are irrelevant. Even women do it to other women and it is kind of sick. (this does relate to weight I promise) What I have been trying to do for so long is play the role of mother yet still hold on to that young excess. At times I drink a little too much, eat a lot too much, and not sleep so I can prove I am completely relevant, I can do everything, and look at me I’m still crazy.

Yeah, I am still crazy that isn’t going anywhere. But trying to prove to the world I can bring home the bacon, fry it in a pan, dance on tables, and still bake cookies is not being exactly kind to my body. I don’t take care of myself. I see dieting and exercise as punishment. I see resting ( despite having chronic pain) as a sign of weakness. I see slowing down and sleeping as letting people down.

The sad part of this is that I don’t ever have a problem losing weight if I can keep the food out of my mouth.

I am going to have to re-program myself to believe that taking care of myself does not mean I have lost my edge, it simply means I have softened the edge so it can go on much longer.

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