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Posts Tagged ‘Painted Ladies Get Fit’

By Sheila Arkee

Last week I was watching an episode of MTV’s “I Used to Be Fat” for the very first time. Boy, could I relate to Marci who wanted to lose 90 pounds and turn her life around from one of fast food and isolation to being able to hang out with people.

Truth is, I really do need to lose 90 pounds myself, and in so many ways, I use my extra poundage as my excuse for not being more social, etc.

My body weight is my suit of armor.

It protects me, in a weird, dysfunctional way.

The truth is, I’m scared of so many things, I have so many fears in my life that hold me back from being my very best. I don’t want to live this way.

This morning, Sunday morning, I woke up at my parent’s house in some of the worst pain ever. The mattress I sleep on at their house is insanely terrible, and it’s something I have to live with for the time being. It took many hours for me to feel better again – walking a bit helped loosen up my back, thankfully. I can’t help but think that if I was thinner, the mattress might not be so horrible to sleep on. My extra body weight places a lot more stress on my spine as I’m lying on the mattress.

As I was in the midst of the back pain, I looked at my sweet little son’s face and thought – I have to feel better for him. He’s my motivation, my inspiration, my reason for getting back into gear physically.

So, what’s been holding me back for so long? Why did I let myself get to this place where I’m at my worst, physically?  A lot of it has to do with my fears, and my low self-esteem. You see, for three years I was in an abusive marriage with my son’s father. The decision to end my marriage was one of the most difficult ones I’ve ever had to make – family members were urging me to keep the family unit together, but in my heart I knew I couldn’t live in a relationship that was so toxic, it would potentially damage my precious son.

The night I told my ex-husband to leave, he stomped about and told me, “You’re going to be alone for the rest of your life. I’ll be re-married, and you’ll be miserable and lonely.”

I knew better than to take him seriously, but the effects of that abusive relationship left an indelible mark on my psyche. This is the way my brain processed the abuse – if I am thin and full of self-confidence, I will attract another partner who will only tear down my self-esteem again.

Sigh. This is a tough one to type out, but I have to be completely honest with myself and with all of you who are following along.

So, maybe I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll even meet a wonderful man at some point in time.  But that doesn’t mean that either of those options have to be terrible. If I’m alone, I’ll have the freedom to live my life the way I want it, with my son along for the ride. If I do meet a wonderful man, he could be the biggest fan I’ll ever have, supportive and everything my toxic ex never could be. Neither of these options mean that I have to destroy my body in the process!!!

What I know to be true is this –

1. I am living large, and it’s not fun. I don’t feel well and this is putting a general damper on my enjoyment of life.

2. I have a son to raise. I have to feel good in order to do this the way I want to.

3. I deserve to look, feel , and be good. I really do.

So, now, you have  little look in at my journey – it’s a challenge, but I’m in this for the long haul.

In my next post, I’m going to discuss my experiences of losing weight when one is not in charge of their kitchen – it ain’t easy!

And, just to share with you, my dieting saving grace is Swiss Miss No Sugar Added Hot Cocoa. OMG, it makes life so good!

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By Sheila Arkee

I have to confess that while I was in the middle of posting yesterday, I was fearful. Am I making a huge mistake? Food is such a personal thing, this airing out of my intake feels like I’m walking around naked! Really, it’s scary.

I’m still on the edge about the food photo, but I have felt a big change within myself since I’ve been photographing my meals. With my tendency to misjudge portion sizes, I’m never sure of what I’m actually consuming. The reality is scary!

A few updates:

1. I weighed myself and not sure how accurate the scale is, but I came in at 240 lbs. I was a little surprised because I don’t feel that big – at my largest I was about 250 and wore a size 22, and now I’m a solid 18. Perhaps because at my highest weight I did not work out whatsoever and had no muscle mass? These days I do work out pretty consistently (but still not enough), and I have a 35 pound kid that I haul around on a daily basis so I’m thinking that helps at little bit.

2. For the first time in a long time I felt HUNGER today. First, when I woke up, and then throughout the day. I was being mindful of what I was going to eat, so I didn’t run out and get fast food when the mood struck, but waited until I was able to get some halfway decent food.

3. My dad is so excited about Get Fit! He really is. He’s loved reading everyone’s stories and has been going between teasing me about my love for food, and giving me some advice on how to proceed.  One thing he shared with me has to do with “veggie-tables”, as he says. According to a recent study, eating a fresh vegetable salad with no dressing before and after meals helps with weight loss.

I can’t skip dressing, so instead of the creamy blends I’ve been using in the past, I’m mixing up my all-time favorite dressing again – olive oil, lemon juice, and sea salt. I eyeball the proportions over my salad and it is seriously the best dressing of all time. You really cannot go wrong here!

4. As mindful as I was with  my food today, there was a bit of slip-up. Whoops. We all have them. Best to power on and not let it happen that frequently!

Whey protein shake

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By Sheila Arkee

Today gives you an example of Comfort Eating 101. My son had a tantrum that was a 10 on the Richter scale. About what, I really don’t know, but they happen and it can take up to an hour to calm him down.

To his face, I am completely calm at all times, I don’t show emotion, but inside I am feeling completely overwhelmed. It’s not easy or fun to see your child work themselves into a frenzy, tear out your hair and scratch at your face.  After the tantrums are over, I usually take a 5 minute me break, and, as you’ll see, comfort myself with a little sugar, because it does help the medicine go down, right?

While I don’t have PCOS, one of my sisters does, and I’ve learned through the the years that saying sayonara to sugar is the best thing for me. I feel a zillion times better without it! Cutting it out will be a challenge because I live with sugar lovers. It’s gonna take a whole lot of will power this time around.

Coffee with half and half and splenda.

Yogurt with 1 tbsp of virgin coconut oil (helps metabolism).

Times two. I have portion control issues.

Tantrum time.

Pure comfort.

This kinda makes it better, right?

Oh, so ugly.

Times two.

Turkey kabobs, 2 wedges whole wheat pita with butter, salad.

I LOVE Gala apples.

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